Currently Listening Children By Robert Miles see related

I can't stand feeling this way, I'm so out of it lately... I'd like to be able to blame the meds, but I don't think that's all that's to it.  My mind wanders at the least convenient times, and it's gotten more perverted too (see SEF stupid quotes thread and Tana's "confession" for proof... although it was worse before I edited it... actually had a clue about the guy).  I rarely have anyone to talk to unless Tana or Tom are online... there are people that talk to me, but I never know why.  I can't even remember how it felt to be me anymore, and I'm scared that I won't be able to get that feeling back.

So for the one person who reads this, this won't be news.  Just had to get it down I guess.

I have never felt more stupid in my life.  If ever someone tells youto so something, that you'll feel better once you do, go ahead and laugh in their face.  I can't believe I said that.

Not much really going on, finally got my birthday check cashed yesterday, was able to buy some shampoo and conditioner (Suave Citrus Smoothie, baby) and some bodywash (Freesia... mmmmm) and... hrm.  What else did I get?  Rented a few movies at Blockbuster... Princess Diaries 2 (needed some princess action) Ever After (fucking thing won't play in the ps2 and it's pissing me off) and Cursed (Robert's choice, a horrible werewolf movie, it's only saving grace is Christina Ricci). 

Unusually lonely lately.  Don't particularly like that feeling, either.  Out of the three (count 'em, three) guys I like, all on SEF, all are younger than me, two know that I like them, and the same two talk to me.  The third?  Yeah right.  He's fun to flirt with but we've never actually chatted i.e. on MSN or whatever.  Plus he's one of those guys who doesn't see how cute he is.  That tends to annoy me.  But the loneliness... I don't know.  How many guys do you know who would start a relationship with a three month pregnant woman?  I'm serious.  Take a poll among your friends and let me know.  Because I have a feeling the chances are slim to none.

I need to pull myself out of this feeling.  I just have no idea how to do that.  I think what I need is a good cuddle.

=^.^=

Currently Watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets By Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson (II) see related

Okay... yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I got a beautiful flower arrangement from my mom along with a cup and saucer decorated with irises and hummingbirds. I can't remember if I told her I liked both of those things or if she just guessed. Not five minutes after the flowes were delivered (because she had initially had a delivery set to go to Chris' house) Robert came home from Renee's and took me to dinner at China King. Methinks the baby didn't like it that much, because my tummy was uber upset for the next several hours. Let's see... Robert went to sleep and I played some FF8, but I couldn't concentrate on it.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from my cousin Blythe, way the fuck out of the blue. I hadn't had any contact with her since the Christmas before I came down here to Texas. I think we're going to stay in contact now though, she has an idea for a surprise birthday party for Grandma's 85th birthday in November. Had to believe my little cousin Logan (her son) is going to be starting kindergarten in the fall.

P.S. I found my wallet.  Much happiness there because now I can cash my check and get on Medicaid :)

~Kea